"The city isn’t evil; it’s simply in its nature to destroy. It can’t help itself. Kind of like the god of the Old Testament. Except New York is craftier, enjoys the chase. It will sneak up behind you, giggling, and stuff dynamite in your backpack. And if you happen to spin around too soon, it will hide its weapon, look the other way, and whistle. It’s a coy killer, a lethal coquette - when caught in the act, New York bites its lip and twirls its hair, and all you can say is, "Oh, New York, you’re so bad!"
"New York is sorry," it will say in its adorable E.T.-like way of speaking in the third person.
"It’s all right," you reply, because you can’t stay mad. "Just promise not do do it again."
"New York promises," it says, but you know its fingers are crossed.
“And though it wasn’t until years later that I even met Kurt, he unwittingly left me a gift: tacked to the bulletin board in the office I took over was a single page titled “Words We Don’t Say.” It contained, as you might surmise, words and phrases that Kurt found annoying and didn’t want used in his magazine. Just yesterday, I rescued it from a bunch of old office stuff that I was throwing out, and I have to say, 14 years later, it’s still a pretty useful list of phony-baloney vocabulary that editors are well-advised to excise from stories.”—
“Children who are victims of failed personal responsibility are not my problem, nor are they the problem for our government.”—
Tim “Not My Problem” Pawlenty explaining why providing healthcare to children under the protection of juvenile court for abuse and/or neglect isn’t something the government should do. (via jonathan-cunningham
I usually reserve my very discerning Asshole of the Day Award for my own knowledge but this kind of can’t be kept to myself.
“The first thing is I encourage you to think big. Studies show very clearly that in our country, in the college-educated part of the population, men are more ambitious than women. They’re more ambitious the day they graduate from college; they remain more ambitious every step along their career path. We will never close the achievement gap until we close the ambition gap. But if all young women start to lean in, we can close the ambition gap right here, right now, if every single one of you leans in. Leadership belongs to those who take it. Leadership starts with you.”—FACEBOOK COO SANDBERG: The Women Of My Generation Blew It, So Equality Is Up To You, Graduates
“The Ivy League school is under fire after a fraternity’s new members allegedly chanted phrases relating to sex acts and other obscenities against women, while marching across the campus in October. The school said that the fraternity, Delta Kappa Epsilon, had “threatened and intimidated others.” Videos of the chants, which included cheers like “No Means Yes! Yes Means Anal!” have caused outrage.”—
“A MAN was captured on CCTV trying to board a train in Wales - with a pony in tow. The unknown man attempted to buy two tickets - one for him and one for his four-legged friend - at Wrexham train station in North Wales, for a two-hour journey to Holyhead, the North Wales Post reported today. Shocked staff refused to serve the man, telling him horses were not allowed on the train. Undeterred, the man said, “I know the law” and got into an elevator with the horse, and walked it across the bridge and onto a platform.”—
“In life, events tend to follow patterns. People who commit crimes tend to be criminals, for example. Can anyone tell me any economists who have been convicted of violent sex crimes? Can anyone tell me of any heads of nonprofit international economic entities who have ever been charged and convicted of violent sexual crimes? Is it likely that just by chance this hotel maid found the only one in this category? Maybe Mr. Strauss-Kahn is guilty but if so, he is one of a kind, and criminals are not usually one of a kind.”
I don’t remember much about going to collect the award from Kelly and Chris Evans, because it was all over very quickly indeed. Helen had written me a speech to read out on her behalf, which she’d sealed in an envelope on the day of her wedding. The idea of opening it on stage for the first time petrified me, because obviously I assumed she would casually employ a clever word I would fail to pronounce or understand, so I couldn’t help but open it at home yesterday afternoon. It simply said, ‘IS NOW A GOOD TIME TO TELL YOU I HAVEN’T GOT YOU A BIRTHDAY PRESENT?’.
This post will probably only make sense to my friend @brendotroy, but this perfectly explains my love of Helen and Olly. If you’re not listening to the Answer Me This podcast, you are denying yourself the opportunity to be charmed. CHARMED. Thank you, thank you, for introducing me to the program, Brendon.