The Human Trampoline

True Story - Gordito The Corgi

The most hilarious, 200 word story about a lost Corgi you’ll read all week.

Today I saw a corgi prancing in the street. I pulled over, got out of my car and tried to catch him. I caught him very easily, as his prancing was more of a graceful waddle. His name tag said Gordito - so yes it was love at first sight. Instead of stealing him, which is what I wanted to do, I reluctantly called the number on the tag. Ring ring Ring ring:

OWNER

Hello?

FIONA

Hello, I have Gordito.

OWNER

You’re fucking kidding me. How did he get out?

FIONA

I don’t know, should I bring him to the address on the tag?

OWNER

Uh, yes, shit, I’m at work right now. I don’t know what to do.

FIONA

Is there a gate or something? I can put him in your backyard.

OWNER

Yes, please. Thank you so much.

FIONA

No problem. I’ll call you back and let you know how it goes.

I carried Gordito to his house. There was a gate. It was huge, made of white metal and very locked. Gordito had not escaped via gate. I scanned the front of the house with Gordito panting and farting in my arms. Then I saw it. An open sliding glass window and a busted open screen - with a hole the size of approximately one Gordito. I assumed Gordito chewed through the screen, jumped, and ran directly for the border to order his female namesake at Taco Bell. I knew what had to be done. I called the owner. Ring ring Ring ring:

OWNER

Hi.

FIONA

Gordito chewed through the window screen.

OWNER

HOLY SHIT.

FIONA

I think my only option is to shove him back through the hole, Winnie the Pooh style.

OWNER

Right…

FIONA

I see there’s a couch directly under the window so he’ll have a padded landing.

OWNER

That’s perfect, thank you so much, I can’t believe this happened.

FIONA

No problem.

I hung up. I hugged Gordito. Then I hoisted Gordito up and proceeded to shove him Winnie the Pooh Hunny Hunny Tree Hole style through the window. He landed on the couch, bounced a little like Tigger, smiled at me like Piglet, and looked at me like Eeyore when I said goodbye. I slid the glass window shut and texted the owner:

Gordito is home.