"Being a feminist doesn’t mean suddenly no longer liking problematic things. If you stopped liking everything that was sexist in media and entertainment there would be no media or entertainment left. Being a feminist, to me, is being aware of what it is you’re liking, and of its problematic aspects."
~ sabrina_il (via tumblinfeminist) (via thegist) My name is Nancy. I am a feminist who likes problematic things. That feels good to say. (Source: glvalentine.livejournal.com, via annetdonahue)
"What makes Hamm different from, say, Anne Hathaway, who had to weather discussion about the appearance of her nipples in her Academy Awards dress, is that Hamm isn’t used to being objectified. He has outrage left to burn, rather than being exhausted by endless appearance-based prying and insane body standards."
~ Jon Hamm’s Penis: Mad Men actor is sick of being singled out. Conversation I had yesterday: Me: I feel badly for Jon Hamm. His body is being objectified in the same way that we objectify women. It’s not cool either way. Mitch: Yeah. He’s fine. Jon Hamm is going to be okay.
"Paul Armstrong is looking to hire at ChoreMonster LLC, the Web startup he co-founded in Cincinnati. The ideal candidate will oversee the logistics of a recent move to a new office space, focus on staff morale and keep the organization running on schedule. Or, as he put it on Twitter: “We need an office mom.” The office mom is shorthand for a figure in many offices: the colleague who remembers everyone’s birthdays and brings in cupcakes. She has Advil and tissues in her desk drawer. She knows your significant other is all wrong for you—and will say so."
~ Office Mom as Corporate Business Strategy - WSJ.com It is complete bullshit that the language we have to describe women - our skills and our competencies - is so limited that we end up being called “Office Mom” and “Work Wife.” Just because I have Advil for you doesn’t mean I’m your Mom, I’m the goddamn boss with enough sense to keep Advil in her desk drawer. And chocolate eggs.
"I rarely ever write this personally. But okay.
When I was four, a kid in my neighbourhood took me into his room and pulled down my pants (twice) when I went over to play. I went home, told my mom, and she walked right over to that neighbour’s house, where she and that kid’s mom raised all kinds of hell, and that boy apologized and received a yelling mixed with a grounding mixed with a “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU” unlike none he had ever known. (Yet in high school he still went around telling everyone about it — which, frankly, is really fucked up.)
When I was five, a boy named Daniel ran up to me and kissed me in line at school, and I hit him. Later that year, a kid named Dennis reached across the floor and grabbed me when we were working on art. Again, I told my parents, and they, together with my teacher, continued the hell raising of a year before. No “boys will be boys,” just pure, “DENNIS, WHAT THE FUCK. NO.” The only thing *I* was told that if someone ever did that again, to tell somebody right away — and more hell-raising would ensue.
I was in grade eight when I went to confession and asked a visiting priest — who I’ve not seen since — what constituted as sex and what did not, and he responded with “Now Anne, I had a boner when you asked those questions, so you need to be careful what you say to boys because your words can make them uncomfortable.” Gross. But also hilarious, if only for the use of the word “boner.”
In grade 12, I worked at a radio station where a DJ asked me repeatedly why girls my age liked giving blow jobs, but not having sex. Where he would come up from behind and start touching my shoulders, and where he’d poke my stomach and say “it’s great that girls your size aren’t ashamed of showing their bodies.” He was going to make me his “assistant” until another DJ (who I will always be grateful to) warned me against it: he had a history of making his “assistants” look up porn, and yes, the station manager knew, but didn’t care. So she told me to quit and to be “the little co-op that could.” So I did, and I helped get him fired, and my co-op teacher probably had never felt so bad for putting anyone in a position like that, ever. (Even though he had no idea.)
Throughout high school, I can’t count how many guys told me not to be a tease, or to dress sexier, and that if I did, good, and also, if we hooked up not to say anything because other girls they were hooking up with would find out, or they were embarrassed. I can’t count the number of times I was inappropriately touched or groped or told it was a compliment to be cat-called. And at the time, I believed that it was, because if men didn’t want me like that, who would want me for anything?
At 17, a guy I worked with told me he liked my nail polish because it made me “look slutty.” The same age, I had 30-year-old guys commenting on my sex life (or lack thereof), and I won’t tell you what they said about the other girls and the nicknames they had for any them.
I also won’t tell you about friends who were assaulted, or friends who were nearly assaulted, or friends who were shamed into doing stuff they weren’t comfortable with, or friends who’ve been drugged. Even now, I have conversations with friends who worry about what “guys expect” even though I am 100% sure never once did we sign contracts that made us indentured anythings. From what I understand, we’re all human beings, and human beings are equals. Except, thanks to rape culture, we’re not.
The fact that my first incidence of being sexualized was when I was four tells us something about our society. In my case, I’ve been lucky to be raised by staunch feminists, but even with my dad and mom’s messages of “YOU DO YOU, GIRL,” I was still smothered by the rape culture that dictates our social values. It took me until I was 25 to really embrace that I didn’t “deserve” anything, and it took me until much more recently to believe it.
Rape culture pits us against each other. But the thing is, some of the most outspoken and disgusted people about the Steubenville trial have been men I look up to and men I am friends with. The women? Well, we’re tough broads — we have to be. The fact that we live under constant threat of sexual harassment/assault/attack gives you a thick skin. Strength and banding together is necessary — we get it, because we don’t have a choice.
Still, men aren’t the enemy — not even close. Even as I write about the years of feeling like shit at the hands of some guys, I know there are so many more who are decent, amazing, wonderful, my future husband (shout-out to Benedict Cumberbatch, if you’re reading this). Our friends, our family, our boyfriends/husbands.
No, the enemy is rape culture. Which makes fuckers seem like the majority, and works to excuse those fuckers because “men have no control over themselves.” That’s unfair, and it’s not true, and it gloriously fucked up. But if it keeps being ingrained into the minds of everyone via the media (here’s looking at you, CNN!), women will be stuck explaining how we were not asking for it, and men will be painted as tortured, fallen heroes just following their instincts.
Nope.
We’re more than playthings and animals. We have brains, and we have hearts, and we are human beings. Like you, the Steubenville case broke mine, but it also enraged me. And the only way we’ll break free from rape culture is if we finally demand it be torn down. Like someone once said to me, “help through your gifts.” So help through your gifts. And refuse to bow down to it. And refuse to laugh at it. And refuse to excuse it. And refuse to stay silent when it’s happening around you.
We have a chance to not only demand change, but to see it happen. We are seeing it right now. But we are also seeing the fuckers rise up to blame the victim and mourn lost football careers. So even though change is a-brewing, we have a long way to go. But we’re tough broads (this includes you, guys who crave change). We can handle it."
~ That’s What She Said.: It’s not her fault, it wasn’t my fault, it’s not our fault. Please read.
"For readers interested in learning more about how not to be labeled as registered sex offenders, a good first step is not to rape unconscious women, no matter how good your grades are. Regardless of the strength of your GPA (weighted or unweighted), if you commit rape, there is a possibility you may someday be convicted of a sex crime. This is because of your decision to commit a sex crime instead of going for a walk, or reading a book by Cormac McCarthy. Your ability to perform calculus or play football is generally not taken into consideration in a court of law. Should you prefer to be known as “Good student and excellent football player Trent Mays” rather than “Convicted sex offender Trent Mays,” try stressing the studying and tackling and giving the sex crimes a miss altogether."
~ Mallory Ortberg, laying waste to fools on GAWKER, today, regarding CNN’s offensively lovey-dovey coverage of the two high school football stars who were convicted on Sunday of sexually assaulting a blacked-out drunk 16 year old girl from a neighboring town at a party, and then sharing pictures of her on the internet. More details HERE. I think it’s reasonable to say that, given the football culture of Steubenville, OH and the notorious difficulty of proving sexual assault even when the victim REMEMBERS WHAT HAPPENED, it is likely that what these jocks did to this other human would have become simply a dark part of Steubenville high school folklore, were it not for the digital trail of photos, tweets, and texts that the bystanders and assaulters themselves put out into the world. SO THANK YOU, NERDS, FOR INVENTING SOCIAL MEDIA. And thank you, Mallory and Manhattan snark-media for reminding some people—including CNN, apparently—what personal responsibility actually means. That is all. (via areasofmyexpertise) (via wilwheaton)
"Let the record show: that you can be a United States senator for 21 years, you can be 79 years old, you can be the Chair of the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence and one of the most recognizable and most widely respected veteran public servants in your nation. But if you are female while you are also all of those other things, men who you defeat in arguments will still respond to you by calling you hysterical and telling you to calm down. They will patronize you and say they ‘admire your passion, sweetie,’ but of course they only deal in facts, not your silly girly strong feelings. It is inescapable, you can set your watch by it."
~ Rachel Maddow, discussing Senator Ted Cruz’s condescending lecture to Senator Dianne Feinstein during a Senate debate on gun control. March 14, 2013. (via mamaatheist)
(via brooklynmutt)
"Ask your female friends, if you have any, if they’ve ever walked home late at night with a key pushed through their knuckles, just in case, if they’ve ever crossed the street to avoid a stranger, just in case, if they’ve ever taken the long way home because of the weird guy on the corner, just in case. Ask them if they’ve ever made up a boyfriend to get a guy to leave them alone, if they’ve ever gotten off a train car and moved to the next because you just never know, if they’ve ever shelled out for a cab because men like you were at the bus stop.”
This is a great, well-written piece by Emily Heist Moss. Read the whole thing. Especially if you are a man."
~ A Letter To The Guy Who Harassed Me Outside The Bar (Source: paulftompkins)
Licia Ronzulli is one cool woman.
Licia Ronzulli, member of the European Parliament, has been taking her daughter Vittoria to the Parliament sessions for two years now.
(via rachelinbrooklyn)
"We are the girls with anxiety disorders, filled appointment books, five-year plans. We take ourselves very, very seriously. We are the peacemakers, the do-gooders, the givers, the savers. We are on time, overly prepared, well read, and witty, intellectually curious, always moving… We pride ourselves on getting as little sleep as possible and thrive on self-deprivation. We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac, and multivitamins… We are relentless, judgmental with ourselves, and forgiving to others. We never want to be as passive-aggressive as our mothers, never want to marry men as uninspired as our fathers… We are the daughters of the feminists who said, “You can be anything,” and we heard, “You have to be everything."
~ Courtney Martin That last sentence. (via midwest-belle) (Source: sassysluteverforever, via nerdylikearockstar)
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